My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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