We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize