What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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