If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
