i'm lost and i look like a hooker
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
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