apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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