i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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