Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
