This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
