the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
