I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
