Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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