ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
