there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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