she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
false alarm. still invincible.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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