ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
