just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
