hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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