I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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