I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
