Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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