I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
