For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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