At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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