YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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