He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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