he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
