so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
