dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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