I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
