she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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