just come out here and I will go home with you...
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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