i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
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