It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
The best revenge is premature balding
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
