Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
