just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
