I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize