I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
