Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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