During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I would fuck him just for his dog
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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