Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm bleeding and have questions
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
