i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
