she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
