How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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