I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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