dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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