All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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