sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
