I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
