It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
