Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
