I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
