I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
