the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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