Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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