dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
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He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
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it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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