i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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